Monday, August 16, 2010

Where I go when I'm not here

There are many reasons I disappear from the blogosphere for days at a time.

The first is that I am swamped with other writing and editing with due dates and time lines - mostly medical, and occasionally related to leukemia, and have no wisdom or beaux mots left to share for my own projects.

The second is that I am awash with life- kids, patients, friends, plans, music, others with CLL, air hockey. My energy is easily sapped.

Remember my middle name is Tired and I am much slower since my CLL diagnosis.

The third is that I have nothing new to share. Writing is hard enough with pressing issues, but with nada to report it is by definition an empty effort. "It is a tale... full of sound and fury signifying nothing" but Macbeth already nailed that one.

Another is that I have gone fishing - well actually more likely hiking and sight seeing and my internet connection is blissfully crappy. But the trees are green and the air is sweet.

A rarer cause is that my news is bad, and I am waiting like the president's press secretary to give it the right spin before I blast it out on its irretrievable one way journey into the ether.

And sometimes. not often, but not never, I just don't feel like writing. It is more than fatigue- more like ennui - looking for meaning in all the wrong places. And while I feel it is my G-d given option to despair, it is never right to inflict my black mood on others, unless you can do it with wit and humor and grace, as does Woody Allen at his best. And if I can do that, I am half way out of the hole

Most often I am just lazy or hungry or sleepy or or distracted or gone.

So when I am not here, don't fret. Imagine me writing up a storm on anemia or obstructive sleep apnea, or picture me hiking on the John Muir trail in the high Sierra or more likely, taking a long nap.

My latest disappearance was due to a lovely trip to Mammoth Lakes and Yosemite with challenging glacier paced internet connections, but also with wonder filled glacier carved cliffs and forests and meadows and rivers and waterfalls and lakes and skies and ghost towns.

There have been a few minor twists in my lab that are starting to look like nothing. No sinister trends. No dark clouds.

Last platelet count was a robust 348,000 just before I left town, and I see Kipps tomorrow.

It is all good, except for all the non blog writing I need to do.



Blogger Shari said...

I keep telling my husband that he absolutely has to see Yosemite one of these days. He has never been there and it is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. I grew up in Southern California and went to Yosemite several times. What a wonderful escape it is! Glad you got to go.

I relate to your comments about writing and not writing. I like to write when I feel inspired. I do not like to force myself to write something just because I haven't written in several days. I signed up for Twitter, but can't get into it. Like you, I much prefer my blog. My son told me I would be severely challenged by the word count limit on Twitter. I know he's right!

August 17, 2010 at 6:17 AM  

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