Saturday, December 12, 2009

Battle Plans and Diversions


My failure to post has not been due to lack of news, but rather lack of focus.

On the CLL front, after some advanced noodling, my battle plans are being drawn up for what I am certain will be the final successful struggle with this deadly foe.

Sun Tzu will be my general.

He orders:

Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected.


In war, then, let your great object be victory, not lengthy campaigns.

And finally,

Though we have heard of stupid haste in war, cleverness has never been seen associated with long delays.

What does this means?

It means on to chemo, likely in the next 60 days, likely FCR or PCR, then on to a second transplant.

Honestly, I sense all these forces moving at a distant, they are not in focus yet.

Why not?

I have been having too much fun is why.

Let me share as best I can an emotionally towering experience. Hearing and seeing John Adams at the Disney Hall, sitting behind the orchestra, right above the tympani for THE DHARMA AT BIG SUR.

Magical to watch the conductor/composer moving the giant engine of the orchestra together as a transcendent unit, to a place unique in time. From our unusual vantage point we saw when JA had called for one of the percussionists to slap his stool with a wooden stick or draw a violin bow across his xylophone. There is music is everything. The sounds and sights are lingering still.

Then another trip back to the 60s, this time aboard the PIRATE RADIO battleship moored off the coast of an uptight England, in a wonderful period piece with revolutionary music, reminiscent characters, and rad clothes. This must see movie captures much of the joy and some of the sickness of a time that seems so far out, it is hard to believe it really happened. Did it happen?

Did I mention our second trip to be thrilled and tutored at the same time by the neo-Baroque art of Botero and the Latin American exhibit at the Bowers? Botero sees it all and tells it like it is.

And the cultural pinnacle: Two King's game, where my battered team wins both in shootouts. And one of them was a gift to two sweet suite seats. (Say that fast three times) And at the other, every fan in attendance received a bobble-head Luc Robitaille doll. Life doesn't get much better. Go, Kings, go.

Add to that a raw holiday food prep class, numerous walks on the beach, Balboa Island, and the back bay, home visits with dear friends recovering from various hospital adventures, shopping for Hanukkah, and finishing SKINNY LEGS AND ALL, a slap in the face book of what I though I knew about the root of Judaism by my favorite author, Tom Robbins.

You can see why my focus on CLLL has been blurred.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am glad you are becoming organized and ordered in your own mind as how to proceed. I support you, of course.

But I want to throw in a spanner, just to raise it once more in your mind. Is your quick move to 2nd transplant coming from the rational and scientific doctor, or the impatient and emotional man? I have read loud and clear since before your first transplant that you want this enemy vanquished - not conquered, not repressed, not living under your govt - but total annihilation.

I respectfully ask you to just once more weigh the emotional need to get this over with against the rational choices you have to live a long, good life.

In no way do I think the transplant is the wrong choice. I don't know. I just want you to make that choice for the right reasons.

Sorry to rain on the parade, and as you move forward I will certainly be in the cheering section all the way.


December 12, 2009 at 11:24 PM  
Anonymous Celeste Maia said...

Greetings from Spain!

I thoroughly enjoyed your entry and was envious of the high quality of your "distractions" from CLL. Painting and music, what could be better? Did you see Botero's Abu Ghraib collection?

I have my own quote from Sun Tzu's art of war:

"...supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting".

I am also a big fan of Tom Robbins, and have read every book he wrote. But unlike a good wine, I find Robbins getting weaker and repetitive with age. The last book I read of his, "Villa Incognito" was so very boring. And “Another Roadside Attraction”, his first, remains for me his juciest.

But I agree with the deeper point to what you write: Pursuing those things in life that truly interest us, and not becoming all-absorbed in our CLL, is good therapy.


December 13, 2009 at 3:09 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Hi Brian

I am glad that you are coming to a decision about how to move forward. I can't pretend to understand it all but I am know that firming up plans is almost guaranteed to make one feel better, both physically and emotionally.

BTW, I had to have 2 jabs of the swine flu because everyone who has a dodgy immune system gets 2 shots of the vaccine. Now they are saying that the numbers of swine flu cases are falling. Anyway, it hasn't caused me any problems. My husband and son are getting the vaccine this week - just in case.

Happy Chanukah to you all


December 13, 2009 at 7:30 AM  
Anonymous john murray said...

Hi Brian, wanted to add my 2 cents as an occasional reader.
You may have too much info (and be too smart) for your own good.! It truly is overwhelming. I support your thought to stay local. The travel can really wear you down (like ron gottula).
I'm in it w/you . Just started R/Treanda (wbc-235).big spleen.. And the next step will be a transplant.
Thanks for taking the time to write your blog.
John M.

December 13, 2009 at 4:26 PM  

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