Find the cost of freedom CSNY

Yes, you who must leave everything

That you cannot control;

Leonard Cohen

Day +2 (98 to go) I am leaving behind my blood making organ, my bone marrow. It was out of control,  harboring a mutinous clone of B cells gone bad. But what price do I pay for this radical jettison of an organ that was still mostly functional? My red cells were working fine, carrying  O2 to wherever the need arose. Even my pesky platelets had learn to avoid untimely accidents and live to their usual  ripe old age of 10 days. My neutrophils have been with me every step of the way, fighting off  any invader who dares breach my biological borders. Only my lymphocytes, and then really only a clone of my B lymphocytes have misbehaved. Besides that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln? 

But the cost of this early decision has been enormous. Let me leave aside all the theoreticals (the chance I might have never needed this procedure, the chance of a very lengthy remission, the chance of  a cure being discovered, and the chance of my dying being moved way up the time line and so on). I have dealt with in earlier postings (Too smart by half and my very first posting).  What has been the real cost, so far? 10 days in hospital so far, much of it in bed,  nothing approaching a normal gut since admission, vital signs taken ever 4 hours, around the clock (yes, that means 4 AM), blood draws at noon and midnight daily (through the PICC line so that is a painless blessing), an IV pole  that loudly beeps its disappointment in something or another several times day and night, hospital food, little exercise, no fresh air, boredom, and for safety reason, few visitors. Headaches, coughing spasms, fatigue, and all this and I am doing very very well. I miss my work, my house, the beach. I miss my freedom and it's only 10 days. Imagine if I was sick? Imagine when my white count drops and I can't leave my room. Imagine when my platelets drops and I can't brush my teeth? Imagine when my hemoglobin dips and I get winded and dizzy standing up. I share this not just to whine, but to let others in on the grit of hospital life, patient side.

Is it worth it? You bet!