Monday, March 30, 2009

Walking (three) and a letter from a friend

Today the walk at sunset was on a blustery gray day.  Cold for California. On shore breeze that blows out the watery and mental waves.

Before I left here is an exchange from a friend I have know since I was 15 which is a long time ago.

He wrote the following in response to my walking (two) post:

Sounds wise.


So, when you stop focussing so much on CLL, what will you be doing differently? How will Patti, your kids and your closest friends know that this sea change has occurred?

Here's my reply:

Good question. Excellent question.

I am not sure. I will probably not spend any less time reading about CLL and transplant, but it will carry less personal urgency. As a result, my conversations and actions should be more about everything except CLL. It is really Patty that feels the bulk of the impact of my mood changes and any cognitive restructuring.

I will still be working with my CLL support group, and answering cancer emails and phone calls. I will still be responding to the questions and concerns of friends that often lead my contact with them. My connection with my kids are way too broad and deep, so the CLL is just a grain of sand in the grease of our complex relations. I don't think the CLL is much of an impediment even now to our closeness.

Also I will still be focussing on the disease when I have doctor's visits, lab work, and CLL conferences.

CLL will be gobbling up less on my life, and so I will be back to work, writing more (about survival), and just enjoying my life. Less looking over my shoulder, which should have a subtle effect on those around me.

Instead of being the gorilla in the room that no-one is acknowledging, maybe now it is a trained chimp.

Thanks. Be well



Blogger E. Kostich said...

Aye, just be sure it isn't a chimp that fancys the fruit of the vine and sea roach!

March 31, 2009 at 9:05 AM  
Blogger Judy Cleri said...

Hello Dr. K,

Have been out of the country (yippee) on vacation and just got back in and caught up on all your posts.

I know you will kick this thing in the rear. You are too positive and have so much support. CLL will soon be a thing of the past. Praying that you will soon be able to able to say CLL???? When did I have that.

Happy Friday.......


April 3, 2009 at 10:44 AM  

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