Monday, February 2, 2009


I am getting ready. Soon the ground will shift again. Or the rains will start. Or not.

Soon I should be returning to work, seeing if I have what it takes to be a writer, and opening my hood while the doctors probe my marrow and gut to see if I need a third oil change and new set of filters.

Like Noah and the flood, will I need to be wiped clean again with another transplant and given a chance to start again?

Rabbi Alan Lew, may his memory be a blessing, just died last month. The title of one of his books tells it all: Be still and get going.

I am reading The Art of War by  Sun Tzu again. Maybe the answer is there. Then Proust is on my list. Not sure why. I am attending lectures on Jewish mysticism and meditation. I am searching for a way to probe the unknowns. 

This weekend is the Writer's Conference in San Diego where it will be show time with several agents and publishers. And you thought I was brave having a transplant. This is scary.

You can't say that I am not pushing forward. 

And sitting still.

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Blogger Mikha'el said...

Keep pushing forward and am sorry to hear about Alan. His book was one of the first I read after diagnosis and have recommended it to others. Best of luck with all you have going.

February 3, 2009 at 7:24 AM  
Blogger E. Kostich said...

Aequam memento rebus in arduis servare mentem. [Remember when life’s path is steep to keep your mind even.] - Horace

February 3, 2009 at 8:38 AM  
Blogger CLL SPOUSE said...

Thanks for the book recommendation.

Also, you are completely correct in comparing the anticipation of a transplant to the anticipation felt before attending your FIRST (see how I'm numbering them?) writers conference. After the first few minutes, you'll be fine, surrounded by others feeling they are about to be totally exposed as well. It's what writers feel. I'm pretty sure you'll be glad you went, even if you come back with more questions. They are usually very energizing!

BTW, Brian, because of some new developments in our CLL situation here, I've wanted to go back and read some of your prior posts, but don't see a way to do that. If you have a free moment - hahahaha - could you please add either an archive or a category list so we can search for what we're looking for?

p.s. I doubt anyone is saying YOU are not pushing forward. :-)

February 4, 2009 at 6:11 AM  

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