Sunday, October 18, 2009

OMG -A Plea

I'm no poet. I don't say that out of false humility, but because I am blessed to know a few poets, and I know how long and hard they work to whittle their craft. I carve my words with a chain-saw.

Worse than that, I don't believe (well 80% of me doesn't believe) in a personal G-d that intervenes in the affairs of men. A G-d that answers our prayers. Seems too capricious, too wanton, too damn unfair. My theology is more random. More Tom Robbins, than Moses Maimonides.

But I couldn't sleep last night, and it was not a sore toe robbing me of sweet nature's balm.

It was the drive to push out these words, personally and publicly. Make the commitment. Be clear on my intentions. Maybe it was hearing the Sabbath Prayer from Fiddler at services on Friday night - I was always a sucker for sentimentality.

Maybe Kubler-Ross would say I was in the bargaining stage of grief, and she wouldn't be wrong.

But it is more than that. It is a sense that I should look everywhere for the answers, line up all the energies to move forward. Push in all directions. Maybe it's my 20% that does believe - the 80-20 principle doing its magic.

I will keep going.


OMG- A Plea

The road to sleep was blocked last night by a hard glimpse of what you said:

You said you love to give, and ask only that I give it all back.

I’m in. Are you?

You said you’d be loud and heard over the clutter if I loved you, but your silence is keeping me up at nights.

Maybe your screams will lull me back to sleep.

You didn’t break me. That took different work than you do. But you can cure me with your shock or tender therapy. I’m game for either.

I know that I am asking you to break the rules. No one will know. They never do.

And besides, you’ve done it before.

Remember the Sea of Reeds?

I’m no Moses, but I am asking to be healed- for your sake, for your name’s sake, for my family and friends and the others’ sake. For my sake

For G-d sake

My time is limited. Now would be good.

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6 Comments:

Anonymous Marilyn said...

This "sang" for me. Thanks for following through and typing it.

I will join you in this prayer.

October 18, 2009 at 3:23 PM  
Blogger penny said...

Beautiful, soulful words. . .

October 18, 2009 at 5:24 PM  
Blogger Alison said...

A beautiful poem, Brian. I don't know what to say - at least you are facing up to life and that can be very difficult. It is as though you will have to be three times as brave as normal - I may not say it very well, I kind of know what you mean. I do believe love matters and your family are there to help and love you back. I think you are being really honest. Alison.

October 18, 2009 at 10:12 PM  
Blogger Judy Cleri said...

Dear Dr. K,

Like Jonah, David, Moses and so many others in the Old Testament, God is allowing you to go through so many blessings and trials.... Preparing you for what you ask? Eternal Life if you only seek Him..........So, I'm with the 20%....continue seeking. He will always provide, not necessarily in our time, but in His and not necessarily with an answer we want, but what is best for us. We all have so many blessings in our lives that we don't even acknowledge. You my friend are a blessing to so many and we thank God for you and will continue to pray for total and complete healing.

October 19, 2009 at 8:10 AM  
Blogger Sharon said...

So honest! I am joining you in your crying out to be healed. I do believe in a God who intervenes.

October 19, 2009 at 8:32 AM  
Blogger Mikha'el said...

Thanks for sharing these powerful words...it speaks to many depths

October 20, 2009 at 1:04 PM  

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