Talismen, Ritual, and Magical Thinking

Yes, I too believe in the power of an amulet to pry open the doors of perception and lead me me to the promised land of health.

There are two that are very special to me.

My daughter Rachael gave me a beautiful greenstone (jade) carving from the Maori in New Zealand symbolizing rebirth.

The koru shape is a scroll shape and is linked to the New Zealand fern plant. The shoot of the fern has a curled-over tip which unfurls and becomes a fernleaf. The koru reaches towards the light, striving for perfection, encouraging new positive beginnings... The koru, represents the unfolding of new life, that everything is reborn and continues. It represents renewal and hope for the future. Spiral, geometry of life, sacred creation...

What better hard connection with the my rebirth, my second and third shot at life, a transplant. I wear the pendant all the time.

My second good luck charm is of course my very beautiful, very rare, imported from Australia, Beatles watch, a gift from my friend, Howard in Montreal.

Everyone knows that the Beatles are good for platelets. The Beatles are special. I never take it off. My platelets have soared with it on.

I also take a tablespoon of unrefined raw sesame oil twice a day, though this act also has a foot in the botanical camp as a well known cure for ITP. I started this rutual when my platelets crashed last May based on way too little data and the advice of a few CAM oncology experts that seemed to know what they were doing. I also hedged my bet with my known winning combo rituximab and cyclosporin and the triple therapy has been 100% effective. Platelets have been near 300,000 since the first week. They were in the twenties.

One last ritual: I finish every shower with a shock of icy water, again not just for its magical powers, but also based on the advice of a doctor of Chinese medicine. Not sure why. This has been part of my routine since near the beginning of my diagnosis, and I am least convinced on its power due to my stormy course with my CLL, but I persist. What's the harm? And it sure wakes me up.

On my recent trip to Canada, the string for the pendant broke (the new one will be ready today, the strap for the Beatles watch gave out (and the crystal broke on the way to the shop - both are being repaired), the sesame oil was banned by the TSA on the plane, but I still could take the cold showers in Montreal.

Did I panic without my transcendent fixes? Was I afraid?

My amulets are like Dumbo's feather, I can hear Timothy, the circus mouse in the movie whispering in my ear that they are just reasons to believe, crutches no longer needed, just there to now be enjoyed for their aesthetic and personal value and warmth, not their magical powers.

Wednesday is my next lab tests. They were fab when checked two weeks ago, and I am sure they will be fab again. It is the mind, not the amulet that counts.