Tuesday, November 18, 2008

"All you need is love" The Beatles

Let this be a sermon
I mean everything I've said
Baby, I'm determined
And I'd rather see you dead

The Beatles

Two very different perspectives from the boys from Liverpool.

Below are two very different letters. The first is from a very special person and friend who has made peace with her CLL. I envy her compassion and love and I bless her for reminding me of their power to heal. It is a healthy and holy way to live, I have no doubt. I am  so lucky to have her in my life.

My testosterone driven, take no prisoners response follows. Works for me.

Hopefully there are some shining gems in these two different takes on dealing with life's ultimate issue that can illuminate your our path. Read and consider. 

Love your enemies pray for those who despitefully use you.  Jesus

Bless your enemy for he makes you strong.  Unknown

Hate cannot drive out hate only love can.  Martin Luther King

Dearest Brian,

I think about you almost daily and PC and Chaya also.  I read your blog.  I always have things I want to say to you, but then I hesitate for everyone's journey is so their own.

Sometimes I see you striving so hard, wanting to fight so hard, and I want to reach out and touch you and tell you to calm down, take a deep breath and relax.  I want to tell you, you do not need to fight so hard.  I want to tell you that every single moment is perfect, even the bad ones.  Maybe the bad ones are the most perfect.

All the moments are simply there for us to experience life and to grow our souls.  All the moments are just lessons to be lived.  Choices to be made.

With the CLL.  Jesus said to love our enemies.  The Beatles would agree:

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be in time
It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
All you need is love (all together now)
All you need is love (everybody)
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

What if instead of doing battle with the CLL you made friends with it?  What if you even learned to love it?  I think I have done that.  I talk to it.  First of all I tell it I love it, that I do not want to fight with it, I want to forgive it.  I tell it I forgive it, and I feel a release of it.  I tell it that I know it does not want to hurt me.  Like us, it is cells that have lost their way.  The cells are sick and they do not know how to die anymore like they used to.

They WANT to die!  They want to be normal.  They don't know how to get well.  They DO NOT WANT TO HURT US.  THEY LOVE US AND THEY WANT US TO BE WELL AND IF THEY KNEW HOW TO DIE THEY WOULD.  THEY DO NOT WANT TO CROWD OUT OUR BONE MARROW OR MAKE OUT SPLEEN BIG OR MAKE OUR PLATELETS ALL CRAZY.  They are sick and they do not know how to get better.

If we love them, forgive them, then we stop being at war with our own bodies.  We stop hating our own cells.  We stop having negative energy in us.

If we forgive and love the CLL and I think it responds to love and forgiveness.  Love is more powerful than hate and war, Brian.

When we are filled with love even for our own enemies we are more at peace and our system can be more powerful to get well.

What we resist persists.  What we resist persists.  What we resist persists.  We give our energy to it by fighting and resisting it and it grows.

If we believe the CLL cells love us and do not want to hurt us and want to figure out how to die like they are supposed to, then we can work as a team to get well.  We are a team with the CLL and its sick little cancer cells.  We all are working together to get well.  We are not divided, divided we fall united we stand.  Our bodies are a united force trying to learn how to get well.

I cheer my CLL cells on to find a way to die.  They welcome all the help I can give them to figure out how to die and be normal.  They welcome chemo if it will help me because they LOVE me and they do not want to hurt me.  They welcome healthy food I give them and rest and water and love.  They welcome all the things I do because they so love me and they do not want to hurt me.

They feel awful that they can't die.  They love me so much.  We are a team trying to live, trying to get better, trying to be well.

Love is all there is, Brian.

Love is all there is.

Even with CLL.

A very dear friend

Here is my response.

Sweet friend,

You know just where I struggle and where I question.
I too sauntered down the path your describe, saw the cancer as a part of me, talked with it, reasoned with it, held its hands and offered it a number of exit strategies. Like Gesalt therapy. Treated with a gentle loving compassion.
I talked with  the author Tom Robbins, who had a character in Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas directly feed his rectal cancer broccoli in an attempt to  keep it from spreading.  I asked him about trying to get along with my leukemia.
Tom said ask for forgiveness. From everyone. I have and I do, though I am sure I fall woefully short.
So please forgive me for what I say next.
My cancer continued unabated and unappeased. Until I struck back.
If all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good people to do nothing,  how much more so for a renegade monoclonal monster so blind in its own hunger it fails to notice that its malicious growth is destroying not only its housemates, but  also the very home in which it lives.
It is playing for keeps, but I am tougher and smarter and way more loving, and I will use all my strengths to win this war.
MLK is right about hate and love, but we in Socal know you sometimes need to fight fire with fire.
Each one of us is on a different path. I am sure yours is right for you and will continue to be a successful partnership. But as you know too well, sometime you must leave an abusive relationship.
For me, I am calm in my vigilance, empowered by my struggles. And although I do despair at times, I try to remember that ever moment is perfect, especially the bad ones. That is why I want more life, more moments
You are a good friend. I treasure your letters.
Stay in touch Stay strong.  Feel your love
Your friend and fellow traveler,




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