Bad news

I promised to be more autobiographical, but today a good friend found that the kick-ass chemo he was been stoically tolerating for months hasn't touched his refractory CLL in his big nodes in his guts. Today's CT was virtually unchanged from the one prior to start of R-CHOP.

Bummer.

I also learned from a friend with metastatic breast cancer after state of the art therapy since February that her disease progressed into new bones and is more active in the old sites. This was all discovered on today's follow-up bone scan.

Double Bummer.

Cancer really does suck.

For both my friends, nothing is truly different today  in terms of their cancer than yesterday, and yet everything is changed. The disease was there along, lurking, beneath the hopes and statistics. Its reach was not revealed until they bravely pulled off the sheets and looked, because they did not want to live with illusions. Until the phone calls they both received tonight, all was still possible. They chose to know the facts, so after the despair and the anger, they can chose a new path. They can chose life. As my friend with breast cancer, said, not trying is not an option.

Today is also the one year anniversary of the loss of  one of my avatars who died the day before I entered hospital for my transplant, from complications of his. He blazed a trail for me and many others.

I owe him and his wife more than I can ever express.

I could use some good news.