I walk the line

I just read the actual report of my bone marrow biopsy.

My blood lines were impeccable. My smears, my clot, my formalin fixed biopsy all showed the proper cellularity and growth patterns with cells respecting each others' space. Peaceful co-existence.

My flow cytometry found no monoclonal monsters hiding out. Able to detect a single bad boy in 10,000 by giving my marrow the 4th degree (4 color flow sees how a laser in scattered in 4 different ways explained in prior posts).

All good. All great. Order has been restored in the kingdom of my marrow.

I am so happy and grateful, and I am enjoying ever moment of this good news. Good news can be hard to find these days.

But I am trying not to overreact. In 2 days I have my CT, certainly a more sensitive test for relapse in my particular brand of CLL. And in many others too.

If my bone marrow biopsy had shown disease, the CT's only purpose would to measure the extent of the disease.

With this healthy domino in place, the odds are good that I will also get a clean CT. That tells me at worst my disease is deeply hidden and weakened. In this state, it is unlikely to cause me much trouble for a long time. 

At best, I am cured , but don't know it.

If it shows evidence of relapse by finding enlarged nodes, my clean biopsy results tell me that I have time to plan my next move. The disease would only be in the nodes. I can live with that. I can mount the proper response.

CLL is enough of a roller coaster.  If I want a long long long ride, I must be centered and balanced in both the highs and the lows.

I keep a close watch in this heart of mine.