Canaries in a Cat Scan

I have already talked with all my kids, so here's the news, again in the form of a gently edited letter to protect the identity of the recipient.

Details, commentary, the  expert opinions, and the path ahead will follow soon

Dear Friend,

Well, I am not waiting for clarity or good news or even a sense of direction to write again.

My bone marrow biopsy was perfect. Not only am I cancer free down to the last drop, but back to normal. My blood tests are all boring (boring is good in my line of work).

Then the CT scan had to gunk up the works. One of the privileges of being a doc, is that I get to see the images as the radiologist (he like being call rad) studies the shadows made by my insides. Like the shamans reading chicken entrails, but hopefully with a better batting average

At first it looked OK, then there were two suspicious nodes in my gut, but not so definite that a second quick scan might add more info, which showed that it was actually only a knuckle of bowel and all is well, except that with a third look and a second pair of eyes they really are nodes after all. What a roller coaster ride in real time. The biggest node is only 2.2 cm x 1.7 cm. Barely pathological, but clearly growing. Just two 2 stupid nodes are bigger now than on the images from Dec 1 last year. The glands in the armpits, chest, pelvis, groin, and even all the other mesenteric nodes are stable or shrinking.

But the rain's gotta start at some corner. Those two mesenteric nodes are my canaries in a coal mine.

I have left the land of remission and entered the land of relapse. Or at least my toes are through the door. There is still a sliver of a chance that these aren't yellow canaries but actually are red herrings. Pray for me that I am already cured, but my will is being tested.

I am still coming to terms with this all means. Certainly more chapters in my book.

Hopefully the leukemia gurus will have answers, but I think I already know what they will say. Redo the transplant, with a bigger hammer. Bummer. I feel like a bad schoolboy: Brian, you will do this over and over again until you get it right.

Well, at least I have choices and the energy to pursue them.  And with a clean marrow, much time to weight my options.

Some good news:

My son Will was juried into the very competitive Laguna Festival of Arts. At 20 he may be the youngest artist ever accepted.

Our two ton sculpture finally made it into our front yard after years in storage. The house feels more grounded. Now yours isn’t the only house with a playful entrance.

Patty and I are tickled about scoring tickets to hear Leonard Cohen in San Diego. He sure delivers his songs on the NPR podcast from New York. Check out http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=101034642

Be well.

Brian